My day doesn’t have 28 hours
We all know these fairytales, these speculations, questions about what would we request if someone said we have one thing to ask for. Although it definitely depends on how old we are, or in which state our consciousness is, or also what our life situation looks like – we wonder about that very often, and sometimes the same idea comes to our mind many times. To be honest, I started out a few years ago with a wish for every girl’s hair to always look pretty, no matter the time or weather, going through a wish to have access to every possible book I want to read in my life, and ending at being able to become a Bachelor of Everything (meaning to graduate from about 20 studies at the same time).
People from my surroundings tend to call me a workaholic. I wake up far too early, do far too much, and seek out way too much knowledge. I’m the one staying longer after class because there’s a lot more that needs to be said, I’m the one who comes home to read more books and complete this extra homework nobody else actually wanted to do. Today, I was thinking about it while standing at the bus station. It has been more than 12 hours since I woke up and started my day, that not at all consisted of moments of being passive. Despite that, I felt the need for something, for something else than what I’ve been doing this whole time. Something that one means when he says „methaphysics”, „higher purpose”. Something artistic. Something that frees my spirit from the pragmatic world that I live in.
Yes, indeed, the main characteristic of the world I work and live in is, that it is pragmatic. We do everything for some income. We work to get particular results, we earn money or gain knowledge in order to earn money in the future. The majority of people I know never do anything enriching for themselves in particular, they consider staying absolutely passive the action (this is one hell of an oxymoron) they should take to let their soul rest and be glad. Once in a while, I also consider a good rest a part of the deal, but not always. School is not enough for me anymore. Home is not enough. I want more. But how can I ever achieve that if I’m always either at home or at school?
This is when I realized, I wish my day had 28 hours. I want a jin to appear out of thin air and ask me, so I can say I need him to give me 4 hours each day to do whatever I want. Not the things someone else wants me to do. Not the things I have to do so my future in the pragmatic world looks way more bright. Not to catch up with the work I need to do in order to live up to someone’s expectations. 4 hours each day, so there can be only me, myself and I. 4 hours to do something or to do nothing.
Where is my time to see all the art galleries in my city?
Although the city I live in, or to be precise: in close proximity to, is not the center of trade, economics nor infrastructure it’s full of art and culture. Everywhere I go, I see not only the art from the previous centuries, but also the modern art that the young generations are starting to try to push through. There’s not a single moment that I don’t want to participate in it. I want to be the part of culture, of creating it, as well as being the fellow observer of its creation. The worst thing is that the only time I get this particular conclusion is when I’m on my way somewhere or on my way home to finish some work that I’ve started. It’s very sad, considering the fact that I’m supposed to be free. With this type of limitations, such as: you must do this or that, I can’t be actually free. One day, I will be. And this will be the day that my jin pushes through the 28h day reform. I probably won’t go to an art galery each day, but even if I visit one each week, it’s still more than I can do right now, having a 24h long day with about 1h to do something I absolutely want to do at the moment.
Speaking of being free…
I have some stuff that I like to put on the wall in my room, stuff that become a collage. There are some photos of art, fashion, models that I like, but also important or fun quotes that I find worthy of my appreciation. I have this quote on my wall that I did not fully understand until this very moment, a quote said by David Bosc in an interview about his book: „You cannot be free, when you have no time to experiment with your own freedom.” If that’s the definition of freedom to follow, then I’ve never been free except pure childhood.
If I was absolutely free, not dependent on anything, I’d never do what I’m usually doing. I’d probably still write such articles about philosophy, but I wouldn’t, for example: do all the homework that I get or spend so much time at home in my room. If I had 4 hours each day to do whatever, 4 hours with absolutely no limitations: no opinions, consequences, budget, human interactions – I’d be a lot more creatively independent than I am right now. I’d have time to experiment with my own freedom – I could fully experience what kind of culture, art etc. I want to have more off or pass on. I could sleep for 2,5 hours and walk for the following 1,5h and wouldn’t feel like I’m wasting time. I could put my own freedom on a test each day and see what comes out. That’d be what makes my life interesting, worthwhile, and absolutely loveable.
You may say…
You, people, like to talk a lot. I also like to talk a lot. We constantly have something to say as well as we constantly hear other people talking to us, spreading facts and opinions. That’s another thing that limits my freedom, and the reason why I would probably stay alone every day for this 4 hours extra I’d get. When I was writing the previous paragaraph, I’ve already started to think of what you may say. You may say I can make my own choices regarding my time. You may say that everyone has their own duties and positions on their to-do-list. You may say I should work on my priorities, on my frustration, I should become more organized. And you, fellow Reader, at this point should realize, that all the things you may say, are the things that only confirm my thesis. One cannot be free in this pragmatic world, unless one gets extra hours EXCEPTIONALLY for themselves. If I wrote this article, during those 4 hours I’d receive from my jin, I wouldn’t get a single thought about what you may say. Because it’d be my time, my rules, my words. No personal censuring, no overthinking each word. Just me and my thoughts.
This genius writer, except his most famous parabollic novel starring a major illness occurring in a small town in Algieria, wrote an essay called „Le Mythe de Sisyphe”. We all know this myth, about this dude who did the gods wrong and had to roll a stone up a major hill each day of his life. It’s an essay that not only analyzes the reasons why Sisyphe got punished with it, but also the essence of human suffering and the purpose of it. Despite all of these, very concrete, solid and correct reflections on this relatively short essay, I would like to add a personal one, that I can attach to my today’s subject.
To me, the worst suffering Sisyphe had to experience, was doing exactly the same thing every day of his life. Even though, nobody makes me carry stones up some mountain, I still have my own luggage of major, unbeatable boredom that I have to carry. And even though, I get my dose of boredom every day, think I’ve completed it, and try to move on to something else – it’s still there. Every day, some routine sneaks in, and not because I can’t make the right choices – because, I can swear to you, I do whatever it takes to make my life at least a bit more creative, and writing is one of those things that is supposed to push me towards the achievement of this, but because I have no time. I don’t have time to escape the monotony, the routine, the boredom – because I spent it on being bored. I want my jin to give me 4h extra not to be bored, or be bored – if that’s what I need at this particular moment. I also want to go back in time and give this 4h extra to Sisyphe, so perhaps he can try carrying his stone in some unconventional way, and Zeus wouldn’t be able to punish him for.
This article, is absolutely different from anything I’ve ever written – it’s more of a thoughtstream, a notepad of random reflections that pop in my mind when I live my life. Although, I will most probably never get paid a visit by a jin, and I will never receive 4h extra to do things in life, I can still try to find some solutions to satisfy my need of ultimate freedom. And that’s why, the ending of my article will be absolutely twisted in comparison to other ones. Usually, I end with calling out to my readers to start their own analysis, their own thinking session. I usually use this ending paragraph to challenge you, fellow Reader to escape convention. This time, I am going to be selfish and use it for myself.
Carol, I challenge you to be free. I challenge you to make the most of the time that you have. I challenge you to be conscious and to use this consciousness as a tool to be alive in a purely metaphysical meaning of this word.