Since the Lemonade visual album has come out, I am very much hooked on Beyoncé’s songs, music videos et cetera. Before some people decide to tell me how mainstream I am, and also to auto-promote may I link you this post: Thoughts #5 in which I wrote about having many personality characteristics and getting into whatever your heart/mind tells you to. This time, both of my fellow organs told me it’s Beyoncé’s time to shine.

When wasn’t it Beyoncé’s time to shine anyway?

This morning…

more like noon practically

Since May is the final exams month, I have many free days to spend preparing to another ones. Free days, in Carol’s world, mean staying up way too late doing weird stuff and waking up at a time people working 9 to 5 would kill me for. So, today “morning”, I was getting ready to go outside for a moment, and while doing this, the “Pretty Hurts” song came on. I’m the type of person who’s absolutely crazy about song lyrics, I tried to hear every possible word. And I did.

As well in “Pretty Hurts” as in the whole “Lemonade” album, Queen Bey showed she kind of feels like a total opposite to what the world expects her to be. Let’s see… Beautiful, talented, influential, famous, rich, mother, wife… is there anything else to ask for? Let me tell you one thing. There is always something else to ask for.

While describing Beyoncé, we tend to forget one, very prior thing. She’s a human being. Just like me, You reading this, Barack Obama and Pope Francis. Just as human as human were Julius Caesar, Friedrich Nietzsche and Copernicus. It’s tough to get through, but as soon as you do, it’s also amazing to realize, that in the end we’re all the same and exactly different. What we all have in common is common sense, emotions and the Freud gene for something.

What are you talking about exactly?

The Freud gene is a term, made by Carol for Carol for use of Carol in Carolism. Basically, it’s this factor every single one of us has, a predisposition for something, which pretty often goes together with our calling. The Freud gene is not a talent which guarantees you success, it’s something which makes your way to it a lot easier, but as requiring of hard work as you can’t even imagine. You might have one Freud gene, but a really good one – for example a singing talent, but you might as well have many, but you don’t even know yet. As soon as you find out about them, you may get the work going. Just like Beyoncé did.

In my opinion, working on a single Freud gene might cause other to just pop up. For example, as you proceed your work on singing, you might discover you musical imagination and pursue a career in song-writing. Moreover, the moment you become a composer, you might discover a talent for playing a particular instrument in yourself. You might start to feel as if the rhythm is our friend and start dancing. Songs might inspire you to write lyrics, which basically makes you a poet. Now, think of it. How many Freud genes do you have once you focus on improving yourself? How successful can being a: singer, song-writer, guitar player, dancer and poet make you become? More successful than sitting on your couch and regretting your prior life choices, at least.

I am so done with your pragmatic shit… as always

We tend to make up hierarchies for Freud genes. For example, in this world, a talent for programming is worth more than a talent for writing poetry, painting or doing any kind of art whatsoever. Humanistic sciences are being called absolutely useless, psychologists are being laughed at, only maths, medicine and informatics matter, because these are the business types that earn the most money. Just how pragmatic can a human being be? Since when does your talent mean as much as you can earn? If you feel like a natural born painter, don’t become an accountant. Become what you are, not how many zero’s you can get in your bank account. Use your Freud gene, develop it. I’m here to break this pragmatic shit, and you can bet I am on a very good way to it.

Someone’s beauty doesn’t mean the lack of your own

This is not my own thought, at least not fully. I’ve seen this somewhere, a long time ago, and despite tough effort searching it, I just really couldn’t find the author. If any of you knows the name, please share.

Beyoncé is beautiful, no doubt. Lee Chaerin is also beautiful. Gigi Hadid, is undeniably, beautiful. Audrey Hepburn was a beauty, no need to argue about it. Let’s not forget Marilyn Monroe! And isn’t Zendaya Coleman beautiful? Don’t you have the tendency of saying: “…………. is so beautiful, how can you still even look at me?”. I do. At least I did until now, and in it, I found another thing to work on. Now let me point out one hole in this whole theory of comparison. Compare Beyoncé with Lee Chaerin. They’re absolutely different, yet the beauty type Beyoncé represents would never make you think less of CL’s appearance, would it? Now, use the same thing for yourself. Just because a girl you passed by today looked very attractive, doesn’t mean you did not.

Despite mentioning only women’s names, since these are to whom I, as an author, can relate, I can only imagine the same case happens for men. The ideals, the standards, all the other men in show-business, modelling, as well as in the real world can make them forget their own attractiveness, being fascinated by the other’s.

It’s not only accurate for appearance, but also for talents. Just because Jane Austen was a flawless writer, doesn’t mean your passion for writing cannot develop into such level. Just because Steve Jobs is the founder of Apple, doesn’t mean your determination will not lead you to it. Just find your Freud gene and work hard on it.


When I was in elementary school, already getting absolutely crazy about studying, achieving my first educational successes, my classmates told me: “You are exactly what everyone would say about one like you. Smart, but ugly. A girl can be either that, or that.” May I mark, that this sentence, repeated to me in elementary school as well as in middle school, ruined my self-esteem when it comes to appearance for a long time, and still there is a lot of work in front of me to rebuild it.

When I was younger, I only looked at it from my side. The pretty girls are lucky, they never got bullied, never got criticized, they are adored. I also wanted attention. But with what I had, I could never get it. And what I had, or more likely, what I thought I had, was a good memory, for information. Never had I understood, that this stereotype, which I call pretty=stupid; smart=ugly, is harmful for both sides. Me, being called ugly for being smart, suffered as much as a girl called stupid for being pretty. (Except the girls themselves bullying other girls for being smart, you just rot in hell for your life choices).

Look at Natalie Portman. Gorgeous, yet a Harvard educated psychologist. And a successful actress. And a director. Now that is a mine of Freud genes.

This stereotype, as well as most of them, is absolutely inaccurate and wrong. A woman can be smart and beautiful, and strong and proud – and it’s the same for men. Intelligent doesn’t equal bad at sports and boring. Not anymore. Not to me. Just because you have the Freud gene for staying in good shape, doesn’t mean another guy’s Freud gene for solving Maths equations is any less attractive.

The conclusion is: Pretty hurts and smart hurts. You know what doesn’t? Being nice.

With this post, I am shouting out to all of you to find your Freud gene, acknowledge your beauty and break the pragmatism together with its stereotypes. I’m also shouting out to myself.

At the very end, may I link you the inspirations and associations to this post:

  1. Pretty hurts
  2. The Freud gene
  3. Lee Chaerin a.k.a CL
  4. Natalie Portman speaks at her alma mater Harvard




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